They’re off! Black Friday madness from sea to sea.

The media reminds me a lot of Andre Linoge from Stephen King’s STORM OF THE CENTURY. In that fictitious horror tale, Linoge was an aging devil looking for a child apprentice to teach the evil ways.. he found one by demanding a town during a massive blizzard to give him what he wants and he will go away. After chaos and brutal fights ensued, Linoge took his child and flew off into the distance, leaving the mess of the world behind him.

The media does just that. In Ferguson last week, after drumming up people and revving their airwave engines, they inspired a riot. They wanted it. They needed ratings, and knew that once the grand jury decision regarding the Michael Brown shooting would be revealed, their dreams could be fulfilled. A town burned, even some media folk got their heads slammed with bricks. And the next day, as the smoldering mess was still too hot to touch, the media slowly vacated the scene and took their news trucks with them. They really, really don’t care about Michael Brown, nor do they care about justice or a police state. They wanted ratings.. for a brief night in November, they got astounding ratings. And a city burned..

Now, with Black Friday upon us, the media has the same desire. They want rage, blood, fights, and gore. They hope that the shopping scene is chaos, that store owners will be in peril, and that shoppers fighting over foreign made slave products will punch and push their way through lines in stores all over the United States. Luckily for the media, people on Black Friday are somewhat predictable. This type of event will most likely happen today–violence has marred Black Fridays in the past, so why wouldn’t this year be the same? The media will get what it wants. And it will go away..

But what do Black Friday shoppers want? They want deals..I get that.  I think they want something more than that. I believe they want to feel they are a part of a group, a little branch of humanity. They want to share laughs, share stories, and they want to be in line with other human hunters for goods.. In a sense, they are a part of something today.  A part of a herd, sure, and yes they will be cattle prodded through WALMARTS across the fruited plain.. but I think becoming a shopper on Black Friday is  a bit like being a part of a team. Either you’re on team Shopper or on Team StayatHome.  You are choosing your side once you get your keys in hand and trek to the mall..

There are some horrific past experiences of people on Black Friday.. this video captures that in opening rounds from 2012 and 2013.

And this year, so far, there have been some photographic evidence of humanity’s brutality over material possessions, and it’s not just the US of A:

2014-11-28T092414Z_365419847_GM1EABS1CAJ01_RTRMADP_3_BRITAIN-RETAIL  This photo was taken in London, where retailers ‘competed’ over products on sale. This looks less like a competition and more like a brawl in the making..

And another from London:
2014-11-28T092135Z_1798880374_GM1EABS1C0J01_RTRMADP_3_BRITAIN-RETAILPeople brawling over a TV set. Who will win? ! Cut it in half and let them both have a piece!!

Just one more.. in this one, shoppers look more like brain hungry zombies as they reach as far as they can for the store’s products..


These scenes will happen anywhere the smell of commerce is existent today..
Do you want to be a part of this scene? Or you can simply wait for Cyber Monday. Clicks don’t hurt other people.

OR Local Saturday.. whatever they call it these days..

For a person like me, someone who actually wouldn’t mind just getting out of the house today with a three year old, where would I go? Malls could be vicious and dangerous. Even grocery stores may be fraught with hidden dangers. My local Turkey Hill market is selling ice cream and soda at half price. That sounds like a trample waiting to happen, as well..

The HORROR REPORT will monitor the shopping scenes across America today.. Maybe not in person, but certainly newsworthy events will be shared and tidbits of anarchy will be broadcast on this site.

If you head to a store, may your journey be peaceful and your harvest of cheap plastic be plentiful. Just think before you buy.. And don’t throw the first punch. You can be shared in a Black Friday crime.

And in the meantime, here’s some humor from the ONION, in a 2012 article.. when 42 million died in the bloodiest black Friday weekend in history.