Horror Report

Tag: movie review

  • A little more of an in depth COBBLER review

    A little more of an in depth COBBLER review

    I have a recommendation for fans of darker comedies, or maybe movies not int he mainstream of the entertainment world; THE COBBLER was one of the most creative, strange, and fun films I’ve ever seen..

    The movie starred Adam Sandler and was originally released September 2014. The film explores the life and times of a cobbler in the modern city, someone trying to make it in a world of technological advancement.. But the film turns haywire fast with a magical gift that Sandler discovers:  If he cobbles shoes on an old contraption, he is able to physically and literally walk in the pair of the person who owns them. He can become anyone he wants to become–and it is at this point that a dramatic turn in life takes place.  He learns quickly about crime, murder, mystery, and heartbreak..

    It’s not a laugh out loud movie,  instead one that penetrates a bit deeper. I had moments of chuckles at best, but the quickly developing crime comedy that develops was enough to keep my interest.

    In fairness, it is a PUNCH DRUNK LOVE type film .. Sandler seems to be in his element in this film, even though it was not a highly advertised bigger budget flick. It is a simple movie, and Sandler plays a simple man with perfection. He was convincing as a cobbler. Though the plot took paranormal turns at times, the cobbler seemed to end up being a very believable movie.

    This movie was rented by accident at a REDBOX.. I didn’t really hear of the movie prior to this, nor was I aware even as to what it was about. Truth be told, when I saw the cover, I thought it said the ‘Gobbler’ and was going to be a film about Sandler eating too much—he did get a little top heavy as of late.  I ended up being pleasantly surprised at the imaginative movie..

    Not everyone may agree with me.
    I took a glance at the reviews on a variety of places including IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes. And boy are they bad.. Some people were downright cruel about their reaction to this film.. The movie got an icy reception—and just like many others that did, I liked it.

    I have learned to take reviews with a grain of salt. When I saw the 1 star that THE HOUSE OCTOBER BUILT is getting on NETFLIX, I figured it was going to be a waste of time.  When I watched it, though, it ended up being just like the movie I wanted to see: Cheap thrills, scary clowns, and a horror haunted house feel.

    Back to Sandler..
    I would say this: IF you have a spare moment to see a film, and most other choices you really wanted are gone, try the COBBLER.
    Just try it..
    But don’t ruin a good pair of shoes hunting it down.

  • Get your toilet paper ready: The best horror comedy you probably will refuse to see

    Get your toilet paper ready: The best horror comedy you probably will refuse to see

    Let me begin this somewhat review of a film this way: IF you don’t have a large group of people to watch this movie, consider getting one.. Maybe you don’t have friends, so find some family. If you don’t have that, join a club.. maybe a bridge club.. or a golf team,  or a bowling league. Either way, get a group of people..

    ..because if you watched ZOMBIE ASS: TOILET OF THE DEAD alone, you’d most likely quickly turn it off in revolt..
    A large group is a must for a film of this quality and caliber.

    Let’s start with the ‘story line’ .. This Japanese *and subtitled* horror comedy is not scary at all.. the 2011 film (released in Japan in 2012) may make you squeamish.. The movie featured a karate expert, Megumi, with four of her friends, go into the woods.. One friend is a nerdy male, another is a voluptuous model who wants to get thin by eating a parasite, another is drug addict driver, and finally, we have the drug addict’s airhead girlfriend. The stage is set..

    The next thing that happens to our unsuspecting group, is they meat up with zombies covered in fecal matter, along with a doctor who performs horrendous experiments on the zombies with parasites..

    The film begins, contains, and ends with some of the best cliches in horror .. and some of the most abundant and pure and simply disgusting flatulence jokes.. As a matter of fact, flatulence itself plays an important role in this film.. it can be used for good, or the power can be harnessed for evil.

    But what would you expect from a movie called ZOMBIE ASS:TOILET OF THE DEAD..

    A few warnings are in order before you take part in a viewing of this amazing NETFLIX streaming classic..

    1) There will be nipples. It seemed to be the gag at one point, to have a nipple constantly on display in the film..

    2) There is a somewhat uncomfortable scene of lust.. it’s awkward due to the placement. Right after our fun group gets doused by zombies’ excrement.. You’ll see.

    3) Expect a beautiful big busted model to be in a position you’ve never seen  one before: Squatting with gas flowing and a zombie laying in a large cesspool licking.

    4) No class. None. This film enjoys mocking every sense of decency that the audience has.. Nothing is off limits, taste has been thrown at the window. And it’s amazingly funny..

    And finally,

    5) The best ending to a film you’ll ever see.. Just picture: Nuclear farts that can make you fly and beat the demon parasite that takes over your friend’s rear end.. A climax worth a second viewing..

    The trick the move may be to not have anything to consume during it.. you don’t want to be caught with something in your mouth the first time you see someone’s derriere blow its lid.. Along with that, while your youngest of kids may want to see it, it’s best they steer clear until their formative years are over. Or until they sneak away to a friendly house with like-minded kith and kin and start their own rite of passage of watching awful movies while laughing in spite of themselves..

    On a scale of 1 to 5, I cannot rate ZOMBIE ASS: TOILET OF THE DEAD without first a caveat: This rating is not because the movie is ‘good’ in a cinematic sense, but instead because it’s incredibly awful in the best way ever..

    I give it a 5 out of 5 farts.
    Strong, strong farts..
    Nuclear.. cutting farts.

    Try out ZOMBIE ASS for a few minutes. With a group of people. You’ll burst with laughter.. and your stomach be hurt by the end–forcing you to wonder if a parasitic entity will drill its way through your colon and into your reality.

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  • LOW BUDGET HORROR WEEKEND

    LOW BUDGET HORROR WEEKEND

    I look back now to my late teenager years, back when I joined with my friends for all night sessions of sitting in a dark room to watch horror flicks, some good and most bad, laughing until the sun came up. If only then we had NETFLIX.. The amazing world we live in now is filled with the aroma of good films and funk. We can choose what we want.. on demand. Right now..

    This weekend was just that type of weekend.. a low budget horror extravaganza. When my son Ayden went to sleep, of course..

    In the past, I found some gems on Netflix worth watching again. Movies such as STITCHES, HAUNT, HAUNTER, and some others..

    It was a ‘low budget horror weekend’ in my house..


    I watched the movie PONTYPOOL last night for the first time in my life.. It was somewhat bizarre.. somewhat dull.. somewhat comical.. It’s a psychological horror about a disease infecting the town of Pontypool. The disease is the English language.. Most of the movie is from the basement of a church where a radio host Grant Mazzy narrates the end of his world.. Without giving away too much–as you may want to see it–the movie rated about a 3 out of 5 stars for me. It was slow, somewhat unnerving.. but for the most part it was finely made with the low budget that existed for it.. But there are some critical problems with it–as pointed out by the others who watched the movie with me and hated it. Maybe that’s why it ended up only making $1,500 during its opening night in Canada..


    Maybe the movie HOUSE OF THE DEVIL is more your cup of tea.. it is also slow and unnerving, but the build up suspense scenes are much more intense and well done. The film is based on the theory that Satanic ritual abuse was real in the 1980s. In this movie, a college student takes a job to ‘babysit’ .. she finds out there’s no baby and there won’t be much sitting either. What I found most well done about this movie was that, despite being made in 2009, the movie had an 80s feel. It felt like we were watching something from that decade.. the filmmakers, despite a low budget, still were able to find vintage Coke cups and used lighting effectively to make your mind think you were watching something filmed 30 years ago.. Perhaps the most frightening character for several reasons in HOUSE OF THE DEAD was the very tall Tom Noonan.