[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bdtuwPpQIk]

On a yearly basis I post the song linked with this published HORROR REPORT today, September 2, 2015. My birthday..
I don’t remind readers of this for selfish reasons. As a matter of fact, I purposely ‘hide’ this information on my personal Facebook page simply because I don’t want to navigate the ‘Happy birthday” or “hope you have a fun day” comments from folks that haven’t talked to me in 364 days.

Instead I post it simply because I want to mention that I am 35. I am in my MID-THIRTIES, something that I would have never contemplated would have occurred in my younger state. Some may still say I’m young.. I still feel fine, actually. Interestingly enough, with a refocus on being healthy and eating better, I actually feel much better than I did during my beer swigging pizza eating early 20s..

But I am still 35. The pace is getting faster..
The times are getting further..
I am beginning to head into the home stretch. It may be some time before the final years—God I hope it is—but 35 is a crossroads.

If I live to 70, the average for my gender, I am now halfway home. I am at a midway of life.. That is a big deal. And a strange one for my to contemplate.

I remember when I was really young, a show called 30 SOMETHING was on TV. I loathed that show at the time, I laughed at the ‘old people’ in it. Now I’m it. I am 30 something.

There is something distinct about being 35 that I feel, more so than any other age. Though I called myself “old” since 18, now that I am actually getting old I feel younger. But at the same time, I feel more confused. More estranged in a sense from life. Life goes so fast, professional activity gains so much stature in life, and extra activities unplanned reign supreme. It sometimes becomes hard to even live. It becomes confusing to ponder what life means, the existence of the big picture questions like life after death and life before death become challenging to contemplate. Time is of the essence. It’s fleeting. And in my 30 somethings, I am now beginning to realize that in the latter half of life, I need to carve out the reason I lived.

That is a trying thing.
Perhaps impossible, given the fact that life will throw at you the strange bursts of diversions.
Trying be damned. It’s necessary.

Thirty-five is a crossroads. It’s a moment in time when you realize what is important—making time for the important things is the demand and difficult road to hoe, but worthwhile to make the attempt.

I am currently in the process of revaluating my life. In some regards, perhaps, evaluating it for the first time.

And in doing so I am questioning everything I have ever assumed. Everything about faith and fate, ‘normalcy’ and strangeness.

My family is first and foremost in my mind. At the same time, I want to give to them a piece of a legacy that I can leave behind. Even bigger than legacy, I want to do something for the planet. Add something to the world.

It has been my longstanding hope that this website does a little something. A part of my mind wants to make a food truck, maybe it’s time to get serious about trying to do something I love.

After all.
I’m halfway home, right? Or maybe even further down the path, being that life’s surprises often include premature evacuation of a soul from the planet earth.

35.. reflections..
I found something of the old times that are still a ‘flyin I wanted to share.

There is even a section of the INTERNETS that still exists with my famous last words back when I turned 20–a lifetime ago, my friends.. Angelfire, will you ever NEVER delete these old pieces of rubbish? *(Thanks so far for leaving it be)* .. I wrote this in 2000:

Well, as you may or may not know–depending on whether or not you know me–Saturday, September 2, 2000, is (or was) my 20th birthday. I have been a live for 20 years. It’s been a strange 20 years.

As the administrator of this popular web site, I realize there may be a large influx of presents. I beg of you: do not send me presents. As much as I need things–such as all 10 Late Night with David Letterman anniversaries shows that are on sale at ebay–I don’t want them. Sure, I suppose anyone could use keys to a new convertible–BUT I BEG YOU YOU, don’t send me them. As much as you would enjoy the expression on my face after opening a card with $100 in, I don’t want it.

I can’t claim “teenageism” when I sleep to long, or when I am to lazy. I will soon be old enough to legally drink. But like I said, NO PRESENTS (unless you really want to give me something, then I won’t argue, of course.)

In this, my 20th year alive, and the second year as webmaster of 21nickels.com, I plead to you: I need your help, so I never have to work again. I want to make this site popular enough that people will want to advertise with me. I want to make you laugh until I’m dead. Tell your friends of the benefits of 21nickels.com. Tell them what they can see here. Explain the mocking of public officials, and the lame attempt to be funnier than theonion.com. I was told once, “If I built it, they would come.” Well, I built it, and come they haven’t!

Last month, 21nickels.com recieved over 500 hits. It’s not enough. I know for a fact at least 200 of them were me editing the page, and I know my friend Joe was at least 100. Make us your homepage–anything. I don’t ever want to work again, and this may be my ticket to home-work and laziness for the rest of my life! I will let you sleep on it…Your guilt will soon catch up to you.

Bryan Smolock

Times have changes. Websites have too..
But my ‘last words’ are still as melancholy as they were in my 20s.. the difference, of course, is life.  Then, I was more carefree.. I was  waiter and went out every night of the week religiously. These days, I find myself attempting to sneak back to bed even earlier than my 4 and a half year old..

Stack the chairs on the table tops. Hang the sheets on the chandeliers..

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