My wife, a proud graduate. Me, a proud husband. Ayden, a perfect angel during graduation (with the help of ear buds and an iPad.) A good day.
Tara had years of educational challenges. It was worth it.
Tag: personal
-
Peace ..
This is a scene of peace.. My uncle Andy at his homestead somewhere around the time of 1984 in the doomed town of Centralia PA..
He didn’t live much longer after this photo was taken..
I stumbled across this picture. A family member of mine posted it in a Centralia Facebook group.. Initially when I saw it I was haunted by the image.. But then at peace and filled with humble nostalgia for a simpler time..
There is something purely peaceful about a man in his comfort zone.. He’s home, with a grapevine growing out of view of the camera and a yard for his dogs to roam free.. He was home.
Are any of us home anymore? If we are we are on phones or eating up every bit of Wifi we can.. We are quickly running through life on a fast paced mission to no where..
But my uncle, in this photo, was home.
At peace..I long to go back to the days when I felt at home, too.
-
This Sunday morning is coming down..
Normally this weekly type of post is called the ‘Sunday morning sidewalk’ .. but today this Sunday morning is coming down.. The reason is not clear, but there is a deep concern in my heart about some personal issues that seem to be developing in my family. Let me explain without giving away personal secrets–I’m a 20th century boy and don’t share my entire life..
My son has grown fond of saying that he “knows everything” as of late.. It brings comic relief when he proclaims it, but he is entirely serious about this.. He truly says he knows everything and means it. Ayden is not yet even 4, but year somehow he does surprise me with his knowledge.. At times I think he knows more than me! He has become a reservoir of my memory, even telling me at times where I put items that I lost.. Found thanks to his keen eye and ear always being aware..
But he does not know everything. None of us do..
What I fear more than anything this lonely and gray Sunday morning is that the things he does not know will hurt him the most..
I am speaking specific on something..
There are a number of people in my family and my wife’s who are coming of age at a time where he will be growing into his later tens.. There is a chance that over the next decade, his life will be filled with funerals.. It scares me to ponder the thought that these eventual deaths will shatter his worldview in some way, but perhaps I am over thinking this..Death is a fact of life. It happens to us all..
People all have their own way of dealing with events of this nature.. Children as well seem to put it into a perspective that works for them.There is an even rougher edge to my thought on this.. The question of what God is.. whether God is.. and where he is.. I ask my son all of the time if he remembers where he was prior to being born.. as of yet he does not recall. I was hoping he’d tell me a pilot in war, or a child coal miner.. something specific and not relative to his life now, which could prove to me a reincarnation happens. Every theory on life after death is not proven. Near death experiences could be the closest thing we have–but how many of them are real vs the brain just doing its fluttering prior to switching off..
I don’t think of this all of the time. But I did last night mainly after seeing my parents struggle to decorate for Christmas.. My father already had a rendezvous with Death in December 2013 but survived.. However they are being aging in the same advanced way anyone who just turned 70 would..
I want to say, I am a happy parent. I am a nostalgic one however, with the first almost four years of Ayden’s life skyrocketing through time and space, it’s tough to get a breather and put into perspective the amazing ability a body has to age and develop.. The boy is amazing. He is absolutely my new best friend.. We play games, his play room shares a mini-office of mine.. Amazing stuff. And I have yet to really yell at him about anything important. Other parents remind me that it will change on that note, of course.. and I know it will. The parent hat will come on and he will one day tell me he hates me. I dread that moment.. But I will understand his rage is only skin deep.
What scares me more though is dealing with tragic life experiences, world upheaval, and personal crises.
About two weeks ago my wife was taking him to day care in the morning and they became stuck behind a tragic accident. There were two deaths.. My son still talks about it, reminding my wife and I about it .. He even became a back seat driver because of it, telling me to slow down or, as he says, ‘drive the right way.’ He must know of the 3o’clock position taught in driver’s ED classes.. Upon the sights and sounds of this wreck, he was told that the souls have gone to heaven. But he somehow knew that it meant in part they could ‘not go home again.’ He seemed a little sad, and changed the subject to something more appealing…
There are things about parenting that are harder than any 3am feeding session during infancy.. Those skin deep things are just things.. The real things that matter are the emotions that come with growing, the deep pain that someone can suffer, and how to inspire a child to grow up understanding life and still enjoying it.
-
FRIGHTFUL PARENTING: FEVER OF THE WITCH
I think I swear.. my son gets sick on holidays.. He’s 3 and a half, going on 30, but I remember each and every Halloween — and beginning of the Christmas season— he has been ill. Little Ayden Morris is setting a pattern.. to fall under the weather not only when the weather changes, but at times when important dates and events are set on the calender..
Parents may consider this situation to be abundantly the same as their own.. The perils of parenting–something I have written about previously on other websites. Since February 2011 when my son was welcomed into the brave new world with open arms and all of the human love someone can give him, worries increased as well. The prospects of nuclear war is scary.. but so often, late night temperatures spiking above 103 degrees is even worse.. heck with Chernobyl, a forehead is hot..
Last night and today are no different.. And timing, yet again, was key. We should have known..
Trick or treat night tonight.. I think we will elude the subject and attempt to keep it light. No Halloween talk. Because if he misses trick or treating due to his fever he will never forgive us—if he knows.. But last year we had the same scenario.. the year before did as well. In 2011, on Ayden’s first Halloween, my wife and I brought him to see his maternal grandmother recovering from a bought of medical issues .. she died only days later, but left this world happy. The only thing she wanted to see before leaving the planet was Ayden in his STAR WARS Ewok costume…
As noted, Halloween appears to be cursed for Little Ayden. From babyhood to toddlerland, the times are often cursed when it comes to the season of the witch.
So this Halloween, it’s doctors appointments with a fresh diagnosis of strep throat and no doubt another sleepless night, and the alternation of Tylenol and Motrin .. fun times ahead.
It’s somewhat interesting that Ayden, home sick today, has reverted to asking for every single product he sees on a commercial.. he wants Santa Claus to bring it for him. He’s already entering Christmas mode, even before Halloween is over.
Makes sense..
Even he has written off this trying time..
My favorite holiday.. three years in a row filled with fevers and sickness. Cursed..Happy Halloween indeed..
-
A photo showing its age
The grainy image you see here was once a moment of happiness in time. Seven years ago today, my wife and I ‘tied the knot’… Some would jest that the bounds of holy matrimony only conflict with modern realities of existence, and others would say the troubles of the tight ‘knot’ of marriage isn’t worth the trouble.Quite frankly, I could not disagree more..
Are there tough days? Sure..
Have there been dim moments? Of course..Seven years into marriage, some amazing and sad moments come to mind.. The most amazing and miraculous part of my life was watching my son be born into this world. Since that time, my wife and I have both lamented world violence and murderous rampages that seem to be commonplace .. But that life being born, that first cry, and each and every day since has left us with the impression that we have done something right. Also, we both agree: We will strive to continue to do something right..
Tragic moments have been mixed in with miracles. Deaths in the family.. car problems.. monetary lapses in the wallet. All of those common troubles that are associated with living in America..
My wife and I are 20th century kids, people who have left our growing pains at the doorstep of the year 2000. Now 14 years later, bringing up a child in a new millennium, you’re what you own..
And what is it that we own?
Material possessions? Some.. some others are on the tab, being paid with those credit cards that we wish we did not have..But what we own on the higher level is much more impressive: Love, acceptance of each other–and this is important. Also: We have a family. Do we own our son? In a sort of way.. but he’s his own person. Our job is to mold him and create a human being that will change this world, make a difference, and get out of the negative spiral that so often consumes our brains.
That’s what living in America is to us, right now..
Living with love. Living with a positive approach even in the face of turmoil and darkness..Living in America. We are from the last millennium.
But we’re dying a new one–all the while raising a child to not be alone.Happy anniversary to Tara, my wife. 2007 until now.. With all of that life in between. So much done. So much more to go..
You’re not alone.[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hNGj30peTs]
-
7TH YEAR STRETCH
Some fine wine was consumed.. amazing food was, as well.. The Greystone in Pottsville PA was the location for a very special dinner.
Last night, my wife Tara and I cerebrated our seventh inning stretch.. We got married on a beautiful October day in 2007.
In the years since, there has been new life made and miracles born.. there has also been lives lost, some very painful..
Some days easy.. others days not. I cannot even imagine the burden of living with me, sometimes.
The state of marriage, seven years in.. by the time 9pm came, we rushed home to make sure we could tuck our child into bed and relieve a babysitter of some duties. Because parenting has now become the most important part of our marriage.. Everything else takes a second seat to ensuring you’re properly raising a human being into this world.
I hope we are doing well.
Last night we took a time out to consume some amazing food. And have some very meaningful discussions to attempt, in some small manner, to put a theme to the past seven years.. And move into the next 7 stronger. -
A true ghost story of the man in the rearview mirror
The family member of mine, someone who I will remain nameless, told me of a story that has been happening..
Two times over the past week as she was driving her car alone, a man appeared in her rear view mirror.. she said each time the man was in the passenger seat, when she looked closer and took more than a passing glance, he vanished from sight.
While it is the season to see spirits of other worlds, she felt this foray to the netherworld was a bit alarming.
The interesting thing she relayed to me, and the part that she couldn’t truly understand was as follows: When she first glanced at the man, or figure, she said that she recalled have a 100% recognition of who he was. As a matter fact, she said she thought to herself “hey what are you doing here”.. When she looked away and then re-locked her eyes back on the empty space the entity sat in milliseconds earlier, she had absolutely no recollection as to who he was or how she may have known him for that short instance.
She knew that she knew him, but only for the brief fleeting moment in time, and the memory of whoever he was with quickly gone again .. as far as he was.
There are a number of different theories in the paranormal world as to why someone or something would appear in your backseat as you are driving. Some believe that there is a message a spirit guide is attempting to get to you, others foresee such an occasion as a harbinger of some dreaded doom coming your way. And the best time to reach you is when you are alone in the car with your attention being divided between workings of your vehicle and throw it around, it is claimed ..
That being said, at least for my family member who experienced this is our set of paranormal circumstances, she’s rather dismiss the entire incident from thought. She did the first time. And then the second time it became harder..
I believe wholeheartedly in what she told me, . For me, I was able to judge the truthfulness of her story from the emphatic nature in her voice s she relayed it.. Even more, and the part that scared her the most, she has lost her ability to logically think through why this person in the mirror was there and what is haunting presence means for her.
-
THE COMING OCTOBER FUNERAL
My uncle passed away on Monday morning. He was a good, proud man..
His role in this planet, for what I can take from his life, was to be an inspiration for his children, his wife, his co-workers, and his extended family. Even though cancer ravaged every part of his body, his attitude was steadfast and his mission was strong: To live another day, and die some other one..
His battle was lost.
But he was still the victor..Sometimes death is not a surprise, nor is it the worst case scenario. When someone is destroyed by a vicious circle of disease that never ends with radiation that kills, living becomes more difficult. The possible becomes less likely: To recover fully..
The man I knew on this planet has now met his fate.. The reaction from those who find out: He is in a better place.
And I hope he is..
For those who have read any of the text presented on this website since its inclusion into the World War superhighway web of lies and endless websites that offer up opinions, you may already know: I don’t know what happens when someone dies. And neither do you..
You can assume you do, pray you do..hope you do. But until you actually succumb to the fate you’re meant to, you will not know what door closes and which opens.. You won’t know if the light is where you go. Or if that’s just a trick, and the hillbilly with a bug zapper awaits your arrival on the other side.
So with that being said.. Nothing else can be.
Death gives inspiration for tears, fears, emotions, and grief.. but it does not equal easy words to heal. Healing comes with time.Time..
As it slips away..I do know this, though: My Uncle was filled with enough spirit to move a mountain. His mind was a pillar of strength and love. His body was a symbol of health until sickness took that away.. And his core soul was kind and amazing.. The sort of person that fills a room with joy just by a smile, and happiness just with his kind words. There’s no way that a soul like that just vanishes into an abyss of nothing. No way at all.
So may he rest in peace.. He left in peace. He will stay in peace.
-
RED MOON DREAMS: NIGHTMARE DURING A LUNAR ECLIPSE
From time to time, when a dream warrants some form of attention, I will speak of it, write it down, and use this venue as the means of broadcasting the information. While I don’t think any person truly can prognosticate the future, I do believe that often times the bumps in our night are caused by some form of knowledge that is either suppressed during our daylight hours, or foresight into the future. With specific dreams, those that mention names, or dates, I think there is something more to them. Enough, at least, that it a record of them should be kept..
One such dream, perhaps a night terror in a sense, happened to me last night. I woke up around 3am–that witching hour I have written about before–from a dream. I immediately typed down the dream on my phone to keep an account. But I didn’t forget it, even with a few more hours of groggy sleep.
In my night vision, I was cruising through town and ended up at a dive bar, one I haven’t been to in real life for a long time. I told my wife I was going to the store.. So when I was at the bar for a bit of time, the odd man out in a shirt and tie, she called me asking where I was. I said I’d be home, and that I would bring chicken wings. I guess even in my dream I knew I had to make it up to her not coming home from work immediately afterwards.. Nonetheless, the spirit of the bar suddenly changed from backwoods biker bar to a family oriented patriotic place. For some reason, the crowd, watching television of some sort of event taking place, began singing the Star Spangled Banner. Right after, another group of people started drunkenly but proudly singing God Bless America. I did not join in the singing, instead I recall a desperate attempt to find out what was on television and why the singing was gong on. Suddenly, without notice, co-workers of mine were there. After a bit of meandering around in dreamworld, I found myself sitting at a table with them slowly nursing a beer. The television was off.. a co-worker told me “We need to be prepared for what happens in November.” I looked at her knowingly and agreed, though in my dream, we had two separate dates. I said this ‘event’ would take place around a patriotic holiday. She said it would be November 17. Just then, I was put back in my home town of Centralia at my Uncle Andy’s home. A white van drove up the mountain and contained a female American doctor who had Ebola. She was infected and the United States was attempting to drone strike her … she parked right in front of me.. A drone strike was imminent.
I woke up.
And when I woke up I suddenly realized something strange about that date debate my co-worker and I had during the dream. She said the ‘event’ of whatever type would occur November 17. I said no, instead, it would fall on a patriotic holiday.. Perhaps that means November 11, Veterans Day..?
I present this to you with a asterisk: That caveat is that this was a dream. Only a dream.. We can often look far too deep int he dream dictionary and try to suggest to ourselves meanings to what we see .. But it was still a dream.
However, as mentioned in the first paragraph opening this post, when a dream is specific like this, I feel the need to document it, date stamp it, and present it.
Discern accordingly.
Interestingly, as I dreamed this, the red moon was rising as the lunar eclipse was taking place.
-
When we don’t want to go.. the near death experiences we really fear
There is something very raw about the death of a human .. Very emotional, very real. When you’re up close, often in the presence of someone who lose the final battle to whatever ailment or frailty making the suffer, the heavy weight is apparent.. Even those who don’t subscribe to a higher power battle deep questions within.. I think we all wish the soul travels to a better place. Some of us have faith that it does. Others don’t. The rest of us simply don’t know–even though we read warnings that the light is trick and trap, we all tend to gravitate towards it anyway, according to accounts of near death activities..
But there is one type of death that is a little more weighty.. a little more sad.. a little more real.
So many people who succumb to the end are scared to go.. They often are aided by hospice workers or family in the final moments, almost with some persuading them to go down that path to the tunnel of light in the distance.. Other people are fully ready to go. They exist in their final moments between the here and the there, the veil is thin and they happily travel between two realities. Whether the brain is tricking us into thinking there is something more or there really is, some people seem profoundly ready to find that answer..
There are some people, though, frail and losing a battle with endless pain.. fighting like hell to stay alive. But why, we would ask? Wouldn’t they realize that the lack of pain on ‘the other side’ or six feet under is much better a result than the one they are suffering through?
Maybe it’s not.
Maybe, for them, staying alive is very personal.Many people want to live to see family be welcomed into the world, or see a son or daughter graduate. They want to see the conclusion to a mission.. or hell, maybe even a movie premiere that they’ve been waiting for all of their lives.
Because no matter the pain and misfortune on this planet, there are still some good days. The silver lining, perhaps.. or the tree growing green in the middle of a vast wasteland. Signs of hope always abound.. even if the planet loses all of its humans through some epic shedding of blood, life will be born over again. New life.. amazing life..
And some out there who are meeting the maker just want to stick around.. a few more hours, sometimes, until family gets there to say goodbye. Or a few more days, sometimes.. or months. Or maybe even longer, if they could choose to stick around.
The desire to stay alive is not necessarily a narcissistic endeavor. It’s a human trait. We fight to survive, always. Even as the body dies, the brain sends a wave of chemicals through the body in one last attempt to just breathe and keep a heart beating.
At this point–we think–there’s no way to stick around forever. We can edge closer to the cure to death, or perhaps buy some time with medical marvels.. but the body still dies.
Right now, there’s a chance that you are seeing someone die who does not want to.
I am.
And it’s an incredibly painful thing to see.. knowing that they see the ending of a book and simply yearn for one last chapter..
