Tag: movies

  • Get your toilet paper ready: The best horror comedy you probably will refuse to see

    Get your toilet paper ready: The best horror comedy you probably will refuse to see

    Let me begin this somewhat review of a film this way: IF you don’t have a large group of people to watch this movie, consider getting one.. Maybe you don’t have friends, so find some family. If you don’t have that, join a club.. maybe a bridge club.. or a golf team,  or a bowling league. Either way, get a group of people..

    ..because if you watched ZOMBIE ASS: TOILET OF THE DEAD alone, you’d most likely quickly turn it off in revolt..
    A large group is a must for a film of this quality and caliber.

    Let’s start with the ‘story line’ .. This Japanese *and subtitled* horror comedy is not scary at all.. the 2011 film (released in Japan in 2012) may make you squeamish.. The movie featured a karate expert, Megumi, with four of her friends, go into the woods.. One friend is a nerdy male, another is a voluptuous model who wants to get thin by eating a parasite, another is drug addict driver, and finally, we have the drug addict’s airhead girlfriend. The stage is set..

    The next thing that happens to our unsuspecting group, is they meat up with zombies covered in fecal matter, along with a doctor who performs horrendous experiments on the zombies with parasites..

    The film begins, contains, and ends with some of the best cliches in horror .. and some of the most abundant and pure and simply disgusting flatulence jokes.. As a matter of fact, flatulence itself plays an important role in this film.. it can be used for good, or the power can be harnessed for evil.

    But what would you expect from a movie called ZOMBIE ASS:TOILET OF THE DEAD..

    A few warnings are in order before you take part in a viewing of this amazing NETFLIX streaming classic..

    1) There will be nipples. It seemed to be the gag at one point, to have a nipple constantly on display in the film..

    2) There is a somewhat uncomfortable scene of lust.. it’s awkward due to the placement. Right after our fun group gets doused by zombies’ excrement.. You’ll see.

    3) Expect a beautiful big busted model to be in a position you’ve never seen  one before: Squatting with gas flowing and a zombie laying in a large cesspool licking.

    4) No class. None. This film enjoys mocking every sense of decency that the audience has.. Nothing is off limits, taste has been thrown at the window. And it’s amazingly funny..

    And finally,

    5) The best ending to a film you’ll ever see.. Just picture: Nuclear farts that can make you fly and beat the demon parasite that takes over your friend’s rear end.. A climax worth a second viewing..

    The trick the move may be to not have anything to consume during it.. you don’t want to be caught with something in your mouth the first time you see someone’s derriere blow its lid.. Along with that, while your youngest of kids may want to see it, it’s best they steer clear until their formative years are over. Or until they sneak away to a friendly house with like-minded kith and kin and start their own rite of passage of watching awful movies while laughing in spite of themselves..

    On a scale of 1 to 5, I cannot rate ZOMBIE ASS: TOILET OF THE DEAD without first a caveat: This rating is not because the movie is ‘good’ in a cinematic sense, but instead because it’s incredibly awful in the best way ever..

    I give it a 5 out of 5 farts.
    Strong, strong farts..
    Nuclear.. cutting farts.

    Try out ZOMBIE ASS for a few minutes. With a group of people. You’ll burst with laughter.. and your stomach be hurt by the end–forcing you to wonder if a parasitic entity will drill its way through your colon and into your reality.

    images (1)

  • Sharknado 2: The best worst movie of all time

    Sharknado 2: The best worst movie of all time

    While some mock it, and others decry the acting skills, I quite loved it. How can it not be loved.. I certainly will not review it, rate it, or recommend it.. unless you’ve got a well established group of friends who, perhaps a wee bit, are under the influence of some sort of legalized liquid mind changer. Otherwise, you’re forced to see the movie for what it is: A tremendous waste of time.

    But that’s why I loved it.
    Time was meant to be wasted, especially on a Sunday night when the other real new programming on is HOARDERS..

    Tara Reid? Oh my.. but making up for her lack of skills to deliver a solid line even in a joke film: Al Roker and Matt Lauer driving sharp objects through CGI sharks. That cannot be missed..

    So watch this at your own peril.. try to make it a group thing. If it’s not.. you’ll wonder why you did what you just did..

  • Foxy Fox:  Another day, another F bomb dropped

    Foxy Fox: Another day, another F bomb dropped

    Megan Fox speaks: She enjoys showing off her body in movies.

    She said,

    I don’t feel ashamed or like I can’t be taken seriously while also wearing a tank top. If you don’t take me seriously when I’m wearing a tank top, that’s your f**king problem.

    Another day in which she cusses like a sailor, insulting people who don’t like her.

    Thumbs down again.

  • Foxy Fox: Another day, another F bomb dropped

    Foxy Fox: Another day, another F bomb dropped

    Megan Fox speaks: She enjoys showing off her body in movies.

    She said,

    I don’t feel ashamed or like I can’t be taken seriously while also wearing a tank top. If you don’t take me seriously when I’m wearing a tank top, that’s your f**king problem.

    Another day in which she cusses like a sailor, insulting people who don’t like her.

    Thumbs down again.

  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Insults

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Insults

    Slick rollout on hold: Megan Fox Tells Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Haters To F**k Off »

    A big thumbs down on the haters from Megan Fox.. the extra-shiny Fox said the colorful language during a press conference today .. the run up to the TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES may be getting a bit stressful.. perhaps Michael Bay has been putting on the pressure for Fox to get even skimpier and skinnier.. Not sure ..

    But the truth is this: She hates you if you hate her new movie..

    She said this about the newfound online bashing of the newest TMNT:

    Let me tell you something about those people. How much money didTransformers 4 make? Exactly. Those people can complain – they all go to the theater. They’re gonna love it – and if they don’t love it, they can fuck off, and that’s the end of that

    Critics who have already been critical were quick to criticize and critique.. especially thumb raising is how quick Fox was to use some interesting language and express such raw emotions so few days before the well oiled rollout of the movie occurs..

    Fox has been going throughout the world to promote the film.. She’s the star. She’s the face..and the body.

    And now she’s the sailor, cussing on stage and hatin’ on haters.

  • Fox sets out to advertise TMNT to the world

    Fox sets out to advertise TMNT to the world

    Expect to see lots of Megan Fox over the next month. She will be busy advertising the newest installment of the TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES.. She will be most likely be hiding her thumbs, and trying to recover the movie from the terrible decision of releasing a September 11 looking image for the September 11 premiere in Australia..

    The movie is being heralded by some .. COMIC CON has gone wild over Megan Foxmania.. And now a skin-tight dressed Megan Fox is shining like a star in Latin America where she ushered in the premiere of the film there..

    She blew kisses.. she posed for the camera.. she lit up the room..

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.. and there’s no doubt the audience group that is being attracted to the movie..

    But for some, this film will be a bust.. a blip on the radar of Ninja Turtles lore..

    And to even some more, Megan’s looking plastic lately.. something oddly surreal about her once very real face..

    But for now she’s soaking up the sun.

    The NINJA TURTLES aren’t.. They are the back story as Megan struts around the globe at premiere after premiere..

    The success or failure of the newest NINJA TURTLES movie doesn’t rely much on them.. instead there’s two thumbs up, or down, that are holding the film..

  • A Ninja Turtles fail

    A Ninja Turtles fail

    The building up the new TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES film has been hotter than a pepper sprout in Texas.. Megan Fox, with her thumbs, has been busy talking to COMIC CON attendees about her role, and Bigfoot.. the posters are everywhere.. the new style Ninja Turtles action figures are everywhere, too..

    The American release of the film is August 8..
    The Australian release is September 11.. which makes the next part of this story even more awkward..

    PARAMOUNT PICTURES AUSTRALIA went and did this: They tweeted an image of a burning skyscraper with the Turtles jumping from it, along with this: “Check out the official poster for #TMNT in cinemas September 11”..

    Yikes!! Stop the presses… Cowabunga ..

    What were they thinking?

    The less than tactful image was in social media circles for quite some time, in Internet time, before people snapped back and stormed the virtual servers where the poster was being replicated.

    Apologies ensued..

    Paramount said in a statement, post feeding frenzy on Twitter:

    We are deeply sorry to have used that artwork for the marketing materials promoting the September 11 opening in Australia. Combining that image and date was a mistake. We intended no offence and have taken immediate action to discontinue its use.

    Oh, and yes: The Tweet got deleted..

    But the poster will live in infamy..

  • There’s no FIXATION without a Mercedy

    There’s no FIXATION without a Mercedy

    Get ready for FIXATION, a horror movie currently in post-production and set for a release schedule in May 2015.

    The movie also boasts a star: British actress, Mercedy, has been chosen for the film, which is being described in official press releases as an ‘erotic horror’…

    The main plot of the FIXATION will follow a young art student who pushes her boundaries in creating erotic art. The art turns into a bizarre world of horror– a FIXATION.

    Mercedy, set to display her sexy and brave style in the new horror flick, is an actress from Manchester England.. Her Facebook page has thousands of likes .. some of the images from the film that she has posted on the page exhibits bloody scenes and not safe for work movie trailers..

     

    POSTER1 (1)

    FIXATION is currently in post production, according to filmmakers. The Awesome Talent Agency, the group advertising Mercedy’s new venture into erotic horror, told the HORROR REPORT that the movie was filmed in the United Kingdom and is currently in edit.. The trailer was uploaded just this week to the website..

    Distribution will be via one of two distributors in the United States–no official decision has been made at this time as to who or how wide a release it would be set for..
    For horror fans who want sex and gore all at the same time, some images posted from FIXATION illustrate that this is the movie that may be for you..[NSFW] The brand of horror which plays out in FIXATION will quench the appetites of many horror lovers who long for sexploitation and gore, something movie appears to be offering in a great array of sequences..

    Mercedy, has also written and directed two of her own projects .. she calls herself an avid lover of the horror genre  on her own bio..

    There are going to be clear talents on display in FIXATION. This not safe for work video showcases that:

    [vimeo 98422656 w=500 h=281]

    THE HORROR REPORT will follow the release of this film..

    The trailer here:
    [vimeo 100899897 w=500 h=281]

    Fixation: When Art Goes Too Far. An Erotic Horror Film from The Aquinas on Vimeo.

    30