Tag: the vault

  • Still seeing signs after 24 years

    Still seeing signs after 24 years

    It’s been 24 years since one of the most poignant movies we’ve ever seen was released.

    Signs, with Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix.

    Over the past 24 years, I can’t even describe how many times I’ve watched this movie. To the point where, probably 23 years ago, my VHS copy was basically ruined from overuse. Somewhere in this house there’s a DVD that probably has plenty of dust on it now, but also plenty of scratches from the number of times it was put into a DVD player.

    We’ve hunted down any place streaming it for free. We’ve rented it probably way too many times from various streaming services.

    The movie was something in 2002.. it had significance and a message and touched on a connection between people…

    We are not a stranger to the critique that the graphics at the end are goofy.. the CGI alien imagery hasn’t exactly aged gracefully. We know people laugh at the water falling onto the alien’s shoulder. The movie has been mocked, parodied and satirized plenty of times since 2002.

    But in 2002, Signs was the Horror Report Movie of the Year.

    Here is a snippet of we immaturely said that year:

    You had to be there.

    You have to remember the context in which Signs arrived. M. Night Shyamalan had already given us The Sixth Sense, one of the greatest box-office sleeper stories of its time and a movie that completely changed the conversation around him.

    The entire country was talking about The Sixth Sense.

    And here’s something else that’s almost quaint to remember now: people actually tried not to ruin the ending. People enthusiastically wanted their friends and family to experience that ending in a theater the same way they did. Unless you went searching around the internet for somebody willing to spoil it, we somehow managed to remain relatively spoiler-free.

    Shyamalan followed The Sixth Sense with Unbreakable and then, in 2002, came Signs.

    And he used some of that same magic again. Except the ending of Signs wasn’t really about delivering another giant twist. It was something more meaningful.

    Yes, Signs is technically about an alien invasion of planet Earth and one small family’s fight inside a farmhouse outside Philadelphia to survive it.

    There are frightening images. There are jump scares. There’s an alien walking past a birthday party that probably scared the living hell out of plenty of people sitting in theaters in 2002.

    But if you’re watching Signs today simply for the jump scares or the alien effects, you’re probably going to be disappointed.

    Because that’s not really what the movie is about.

    It’s about a minister who loses his faith after his wife dies through what seems like the cruelest possible act of random fate.

    It’s about Joaquin Phoenix’s Merrill Hess, a man who once seemed destined for something greater but never quite got there. He had talent. He had promise. He had baseball. And now he’s working at a gas station and living with his brother.

    It’s about two children traumatized by the death of their mother, trying to understand their own grief while simultaneously watching their father transform into a different, almost unrecognizable version of himself. And in the middle of all of this, aliens invade Earth.

    The alien invasion is the metaphorical backdrop for everything else happening inside that farmhouse.

    Coincidences that might not be coincidences and faith lost and eventually rediscovered. Trauma, with grief and regret, all get incorporated..

    The question of whether the terrible and seemingly random things that happen to us have some meaning that we simply can’t see while we’re living through them.

    And how you keep the light on when the world around you suddenly seems filled with shadows.

    There’s another piece of the history that shouldn’t be forgotten.

    Signs was made in the shadow of September 11, 2001.

    The movie was being made during that period, and the bonus documentary material released with the film even captured members of the production discussing what it was like when 9/11 happened. As a matter of fact, filming started on September 12, 2001..

    It’s difficult to explain to someone who wasn’t old enough to experience that period just how much 9/11 permeated almost everything afterward.

    Movies. Television. Music. News. Conversations. Families. Fear.

    The country had suddenly experienced the horrifying realization that something almost unimaginable could happen on an otherwise normal morning.

    And then Signs came along with a family standing inside a farmhouse, watching television and listening to the radio as something unimaginable happened to the entire world outside.

    I don’t think you can completely separate those things.

    Maybe that’s one reason the movie hit so differently in 2002.

    And now 24 years have passed.

    We recently went back and watched Signs again. It’s currently streaming on Apple TV—which we’ll call “free” with the obvious asterisk that you have to pay for Apple TV to get that particular version of free.

    And boy, does 2002 look like 2002.

    There are VHS tapes and VCRs. Old baby monitors become an important piece of technology. There aren’t smartphones constantly buzzing with notifications. Nobody is refreshing social media looking for the newest shaky alien video.

    Instead, our protagonists watch television and listen to the radio to find out whether the world is ending.

    Of course things would be different today.

    But strangely enough, the important things wouldn’t be.

    Because Signs is grounded in something that technology hasn’t really changed.

    It’s not simply a horror movie.

    It’s a deeply profound story about a spiritual awakening during a horrific moment.

    Kind of like 9/11.

    And kind of like life itself for a lot of people.

    Over the past 24 years, I’ve told countless people to watch Signs. I don’t know how many actually listened. I don’t know how many watched it and thought I was crazy for loving it so much.

    That’s okay.

    I’ve also remained loyal to Shyamalan through some of the years when seemingly everybody else decided they were done with him.

    We’ve even told countless people to watch Lady in the Water, another movie people dismiss because they think the premise is goofy or the story is strange.

    But Lady in the Water tells you what it is. It’s a bedtime story.

    And underneath that strange bedtime story is another profoundly human idea about trauma—how it changes a person, how it can change the soul and how accepting what happened to you can become part of reclaiming your identity.

    Maybe that’s why these movies have stuck with me.

    Because Signs, to some degree, healed me in 2002.

    And for the past 24 years, I’ve gone back to it during moments when I needed some spiritual healing or maybe just an awakening.

    I know.

    It’s just a movie.

    But after watching it this many times over this many years, there’s still something nagging at my mind.

    If an alien invasion ever really happened, maybe the aliens really would be stupid enough to invade a planet covered in the one substance capable of killing them.

    Maybe water really would do it.

    Who knows.

    But something else seems far more believable.

    If an alien invasion happened today, there would be families inside farmhouses, apartments and homes across the world going through exactly the same struggle as the Hess family.

    Because right now there are already plenty of people fighting profoundly deep battles trying to figure out who they are, what they believe and how to put themselves back together after something changed them.

    Twenty-four years of technological advancement hasn’t changed that.

    Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix’s characters didn’t have smartphones, social media or most of our modern conveniences.

    But they had exactly the same emotions we have today.

    Trauma and heartbreak.

    Fear and hopelessness.

    Resilience and courage.

    And the desperate search for some kind of meaning in the face of an earth-shattering crisis.

    That’s what Signs is.

    So watch it again.

    Don’t worry about whether the CGI alien looks convincing in 2026.

    Look at the people inside the farmhouse instead. And maybe see if you can reclaim a little bit of the spirit you had when you first watched it all those years ago.

    And if you’re watching Signs for the first time?

    This is what we said about the movie during our “movie of the year post” 24 short years ago, without grammar corrected 🙂 :

    Priests are scandalous all around us. Elders are corrupting minors. Television ads are selling sex to children. Government is selling our secrecy for safety and we let them. Politicians who lie and cheat and steal to get their positions of power are corrupting institutions of power we once respected because our founding father gave us a reason to. We have no heroes anymore, we, often times and in many individual cases, have nothing to have faith in. SIGNS illustrates to us that faith has faith in us to make the right choice, to see the signs. A glass of water is half full. In this film it matters.

    Everything matters. It’s the ultimate message for life Shaymalan wanted to send. It’s also the ultimate reason I chose this film as the movie of the year. It gave me a glimmer of hope. It made me wonder. It made me think about things in a different way. It filled me with spirit, I left the film each time feeling more faithful and spiritual than any church service on earth can make me. I saw the SIGNS. I just hope I never close my eyes again.

    HORROR-REPORT’S FILM OF THE YEAR 2002: SIGNS

    Don’t watch it as a 24-year-old alien movie whose special effects you’re supposed to judge against what Hollywood can create today.

    Watch it as a story about people trying to survive something they don’t understand.

    Maybe, somewhere in their struggle, you’ll recognize a little bit of your own.

    And maybe you’ll find one of the signs you’ve been looking for.

  • From the Vault: The Summer of boring horror

    From the Vault: The Summer of boring horror

    We have written about how exciting the summer box office of 2026 is for horror! But back in 2001 in the stone ages of the internet, we were not that excited .. From the annals and the deeply old records, we opened the vault to see what we were saying in May 2001 about ‘cutting edge’ horror that was mostly just dull and boring…

    …for your review.. were were less than enthralled then at what Hollywood was giving us..


    Sit back in the chair, sip a warm Pepsi … and watch a Late Night jam session between Conan O’Brien and Martha Stewart. I am. But off in the distance flashes halloweenmovies.com’s latest Halloween 8 update. Rick Rosenthal saves the day! H20, the fabled 20th anniversary film, wasn’t too final. We needed another sequel, this being a sequel of the H20 film, which was a sequel of 1 and 2, not including 4 and 5 and especially not harboring love for 3…Season of the witch.

    The May 9th flash reads:
    ….May 10, 2001 Star of MTV’s THE REAL WORLD SEATTLE and URBAN LEGENDS: FINAL CUT, Jacinda Barrett, has been cast in HALLOWEEN 8…

    Shocking, especially since their May 10 report was filed May 9. I check my computer date. No, it’s May 9. Thought so.

    Wonderful. The director adds another MTV generation star to the roster. Make some room, Busta Rhymes. Save a chair, Bianca Kajlich, and save the last dance, Sean Patrick Thomas. And if it’s not too much to ask, keep your hands in the aisle, Tyra Banks. You might be next. And you might all be in nine, unless Mike hacks you up this go around.

    Speaking of which, will Carson Daly play Michael Myers? Why not reprise the role of Dr. Loomis with the ever trustworthy Kurt Loder. MTV news. All Snoop, all the time…

    Clamoring Halloween fans asked to make sure Jamie Lee Curtis’ character was treated with at least some respect, maybe more than she got in H20. Sip some Bianco, Ms. Tate. What might come from the latest motions from the office of the director as told to Halloweenmovies.com as told to the American and world public as reported 4th handedly on this website is the ultimate finale of a Jamie Lee Curtis death scene. Laurie Strode, from tight pants to fatal H8 conclusion.

    Rick Rosenthal, evidently signaling and end of the “Strode girl’s” work told the big honchos at halloweenmovies.com about a “strong” role for Curtis during the first half hour of the film. Read between the lines…see the blood. She will die…my sources tell me. Rumors at this point, but then again, so is Freddy Vs. Jason–for 6 years now.

    Not only the absence of sense from H8 appears to be in the works, but also the missing link of Dr. Samuel Loomis’ presence. Made difficult by the death of Mr. Donald Pleasance himself…don’t worry, they gave tribute to him in the wretchedly edited H6, although they spelled his name wrong in the credits and killed his character off without remorse.

    Oh, the state of modern horror. We had been Forsaken long enough, then Along Came a Spider, and Mummified again, driving out Driven, riding with Croc Dundie..again…This time in LA. An original concept. You’re not in Australia anymore, Crocodile…then again, were the Survivors? Did we put a man on the moon?

    Coming soon Spiderman will save us from reality TV, maybe even be more realistic than Rob Burnett’s Survivor which subsisted from a rating bonanza and a bout of hunger in the outback….Was that Colby? Tina? Or their doubles, Mr. Mooves?
    The Rock left the World Wrestling Federation, Stone Cold turned heel, and Vince McMahon lost his status as engineer of a genius operation with his X(extreme)F(football)L(league). But the Rock appeared in a film for ten minutes and became an ‘actor.’

    And without the drug busts of late and the possible strike that never happened, Hollywood would have been quite boring. Nicole Kidman would have been stunned to find her short handed ex husband to be gay, though he denied and sued, but the stalker was most surely fond of the rumor.

    True horror has become more fascinating and sensational than even that which graces big and small screens alike. Tim McVeigh will soon die, Europeans cannot eat meat, NBC is the strongest link with their Weakest Link, and Kentucky Thoroughbreds are dying unexpectedly. Gas costs and arm and leg, plus $1.65 a gallon for regular as a whole…California is darker than even Hollywood thriller sets.

    Did I mention Elvira was coming back to screen? No?
    Guess it can’t get scarier than this.

    Horror Report
    Filed Thursday May 10, 2001 1:14 AM EST

  • From the Vault: JASON X in 2002

    From the Vault: JASON X in 2002

    Jason X was a bad film.. just awful..

    And we are old enough to recall going to theaters to see it in April 2002 when it was released..

    Some movies get better over time and accepted.. Kind of like Halloween 3, we change in our review..

    But all this time later it doesn’t seem like much has changed in the world of JASON X viewpoints..

    We had no mercy in 2002 when we revealed the entire movie after being told from those who screened it earlier in the year what happened..

    At that time, we were constantly fixated on Robert Ebert (*may he rest in peace) and his hatred of horror movies.. He did not disappoint in his review of JASON X..

    We also wrote in 2002:

    Roger Ebert reviews JASON X…”There will be a “Jason XI”–or, given the IQ level of the series, “Jason X, Part 2″…
    “The characters follow the usual rules from Camp Crystal Lake, which require the crew members to split up, go down dark corridors by themselves, and call out each other’s names with the sickening certainty that they will not reply”

    JASON X / 1/2* from THE SUN-TIMES….Although Ebert’s review was the most comical, the rash of negative reviews have not surprised us…Although, the amount of them has…

    Other reviews from horror sites at that time (many are gone now)..

    CREATURE-CORNER: “Is it a good film? F*** no. The musical score sounds like Philip Glass taking a dump on his Casio, the production design and costumes sometimes falter, and there’s more than one joke that goes so bad as to require the audience to audibly groan”

    U-WIRE.COM: ” Never pee in the woods. Pee in the woods and your head gets chopped off. Actually, it’s not just urinating that gets you in trouble, but smoking a joint, having sex, taking a shower, talking, eating, etc. The only people who seem to live are the ones who just run around calling out names. So, if you are alone in the woods at night and hear “ch-ch-ch-ah-ah-ah,” don’t do anything except run around shouting for your friends.

    CINESCAPE: JASON X therefore winds up being a rather strange hybrid – sort of but not entirely horror, sort of but not entirely comedy, definitely (assuming you like this sort of thing in the first place) guilty-pleasure fun….

    It was just that bad then and maybe just as bad now..

  • HORROR REPORT flashback: What we wrote about SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT in 2001

    HORROR REPORT flashback: What we wrote about SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT in 2001

    From the deep dark hallways of the Horror Report and the annals of anarchy.. From December 2001.. the HORROR REPORT went seasonal with a review of bad horror.. SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT..

    Submitted for your Mandela Effected approval.. the screen shot in time:

    We concluded:

    I will admit that if done right this concept could have amounted to something, at least for the first movie. However, it was horrible in all aspects and it died before it ever had a chance to live, and then they continued to beat the dead body 4 more times with a large stick. The Silent Night, Deadly Night series, although incredibly bad does have a certain charm to it. That charm may only be the incredible ease that exists when making fun of it.

    The movie is no better to us today than it was then.